At exactly 6:30pm on June 8th, 2015 my daughter Emma and I had our first intense mother-daughter spiritual connection. I explained to the doctor, by dropping her heart rate I felt like Emma was trying to tell me that she was not going to make it through a natural birth, even though that’s what my heart had been set on. I felt like she was screaming at me saying “mommy save me, I need to come out now!”. I know to some this may sound crazy, but to me at that moment in time I felt I needed to do what was best for my daughter…she needed to come out…she was warning me…and I LISTENED. I told my doctor how I felt, and I remember I could hear it in her voice…the sign of relief…she felt the same way as Emma…she knew having a c-section was going to be the best option.
Soon after I was getting rolled into the operating room…
Daddy is all clean for the operating room!
Emma and I were ready to roll!
On our way…
In just a few minutes we were about to meet our sweet Emma Marie! I was feeling a million emotions but nervous and excited were at the top of the list! I couldn’t believe she would be in my arms soon enough…
But God had a different plan for Emma, I could not imagine what we were about to experience in a few hours.
I felt very sick to my stomach during the actual c-section. It was a crazy pressure like I’ve never felt before. I wasn’t in pain, I was just very uncomfortable…then I heard the most amazing sound I’ve EVER heard…Emma’s first cry was SPECTACULAR! I instantly fell in love.
Now there was no possible way to prepare myself for the life journey I was going to begin at that same moment. I was thrilled to be a mommy, I had dreamt of this moment ALL my life. As a young girl I never dreamt much about my dream wedding…I always dreamt about the day I would be a mama. I would imagine what my babies would look like…I imagined all the fun we would have together…I imagined how cute they would be as babies. But I can promise you I never dreamt about this beginning for my sweet baby Emma.
As soon as the doctor finished the delayed cord clamping they rushed Emma over to the cleaning table. At this moment in time I was ecstatic! I couldn’t wait to meet her. But my fantasy turned to a nightmare within seconds…
“her stomach is distended”
“she isn’t breathing on her own”
Now I must confess, Ryan and I never got to attend a birthing class. Funny enough ours was scheduled for this same day…ironic?…I think so! To say the least, we did not know what to expect during this process. But I can promise you one thing, no matter what… I KNOW hearing those two phrases DID NOT mean something good.
Soon after the doctors rushed Emma over to the cleaning table they began poking at her, clearing her mouth, cleaning her body, and the scariest part…breathing for her…yes, they were breathing for her. Now at this moment in time I had no idea what was happening. I was back on the operating table throwing up. Ryan was filming everything that was happening to Emma. He was in a panic. I can promise you I’ve never seen my husband run from my side as fast as he did the moment they said “she isn’t breathing”. He was like the Flash and was over by her side within a second.