After much deliberation, Ryan and I came to the conclusion that being induced was the only safe step to take at this moment. So they began me on the dreaded magnesium. This was meant to help Emma and I throughout the process…but let me tell you…this is the WORST medicine known to man kind…in my eyes. It was like something took over my body, I was boiling HOT then I was FREEZING. I felt no bit of me left inside, it’s difficult to put into words but it was like your soul was gone and this medicine took over every part of you. I truly wish they wouldn’t have put me on this medication because maybe I would have remembered more and been able to react to my emotions better. Looking back, there is a lot I would have changed, but at that moment in time I didn’t have the capability to do so.
Monday June 8th- They began the Pitocin to help with the induction. After most of the night and morning had passed the doctor came in to see if I had began dilating. She looked at me with a little bit of surprise…I was barely dilated 1 inch…1 inch? Seriously? It had been more than 14 hours and barely 1 inch? I was in shock. The doctor decided it would be smart to break my water at this point, to see if that would help speed things along. I would NEVER wish this on even my biggest enemy. The pain I felt at that point…the rush of emotions…the panic began rising again. At this point in time MORE than ever I wished my mom was there with me. I missed her so much. I didn’t tell anyone but my heart was completely broken. This is the moment in every girls life that you imagine your mom holding your hand and telling you everything was going to be alright.
After that traumatic experience I kept laying in bed. A million thoughts rushing in and out. I began feeling some contractions, they were actually not bad. I was prepared for much worse…but of course this was just the beginning. The doctor’s and nurse’s were watching Emma’s vitals very carefully at this point. She was still doing fine!
Several hours later my contractions began getting a bit more intense, as each one came I imagined how much I could be dilating at that moment. Later around 5 pm the doctor came back in to check how far along I was…to everyone’s surprise…I had NOT advanced…that’s right people…not even half an inch more! Nothing, Nada!
Soon after the anesthesiologist came in to see if I would want to have an epidural. Now, I must explain that my original heart was set on trying to do this all naturally…but since nothing seemed to be going as planned there was something in my heart telling me that I should do the epidural now. I can’t explain, my gut…or maybe Emma was telling me this was the next step to take.
About 45 mins later the doctor came back in to give me my epidural…again…oh my goodness…NOTHING can prepare you for that moment. I felt so sick already and this was just the icing on the cake. The one good thing that came from this was my blood pressure finally lowered…but wait…so did Emma’s! This is when the quickest and most important 2 hours of my life began.
Emma’s vitals monitors started going off…she was drastically lowering her heart rate…I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO STOP BREATHING AND DIE….I honestly would have given up my life to save her’s at this point in time. This was my first real mom moment. I could not believe what was happening…I had 5 doctors and nurses rush into our room to help Emma…they placed more water back in my to see if that would help her find some comfort and increase her heart rate…the rest was a blur…I know they did more…I have no idea what. I knew everything that was happening and at the same time I knew nothing.
My primary doctor was able to call into my room. She told me that they were able to level Emma’s vitals out, she wasn’t sure for how long it would last. She explained that we could still keep trying to dilate me and have a natural birth, it was my choice.
The BIGGEST decision I will ever make was about to unfold.