Beginning Part 1

It was Sunday June 7th, and Ryan and I were positive the doctors were going to up my medication for the high blood pressure and place me on very specific bedrest instructions. Everything that had happened the night before was becoming a blur. I just wanted to keep Emma baking in my belly as long as possible. We were only 29 weeks along, my first goal was to make it to week 32! The doctors said it was a good goal as there are major milestones babies hit during that week. Ryan and I were focused on doing anything and everything we could to keep both mama and Emma safe at this point.

I must add that my poor mother was in Europe during this time. She was in a panic trying to figure out how to get back home. My heart ached because I really wanted her by my side. There is nothing like your mom to make a difficult situation a bit easier. The previous week the doctors had “oked” her to go, they said I still had a long time before Emma would be joining us. Till this day my heart hurts knowing she was not there for something so monumental.

As I lay in bed waiting for a doctor to come visit and tell me what the next steps were, Ryan kept me company, he gave me a sense of calm. I could tell in his eyes he had never been so worried in his life…but he kept it together better than anyone I know.

It was around 1pm, we were still waiting for the doctor to stop by. Then entered our sweet nurse…in her hand she carried magnesium. At this point Ryan and I were confused, we had no idea why they were going to put me on magnesium. As the nurse walked closer she began to explain that this was protocol for being induced…that’s right INDUCED…I’m pretty sure my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. Ryan and I looked at each other in pure shock. We had no idea what was happening. We were under the mind set that we were going to be released and sent home on complete bedrest…but INDUCEDI don’t think so! 

We refused to have the magnesium start in my IV until we spoke to a doctor. This was outrageous…I couldn’t be induced…Emma was only 29 weeks. She was too tiny to be born yet! PANIC raised through every inch of my body! I couldn’t believe what was happening…I wasn’t going to let them induce me…she was not ready to come out…she would be too young…it was dangerous.

The doctor finally came in to our room a little while after. She came to explain her mind set. Now let me inform you that I had 5 different doctors see me before she came in. There were all different kinds of specialist that walked in and out of my room. I did not care for any of them, let me be very honest I may have been rude to some because most of them walked in without reading my chart and asked me to explain and relive the trauma I had gone through the past week. If it weren’t bad enough to live through it once, but every time a new doctor walked in they asked me to retell the horrible story. My primary doctor that I had been seeing for most of my pregnancy was not on call until tomorrow. I was in a true state of panic. I felt like no one knew who I was and yet they were making life altering decisions for me AND Emma. I couldn’t believe the anger I felt at this point. I was exhausted having been woken up every single hour for blood pressure and blood sugar readings since I stepped foot into the hospital. The only person I wanted to talk to was my primary OBGYN, seeing as she wasn’t available a fellow doctor of the practice began explaining their reasoning behind inducing me.

The doctors were worried that I might have another stroke, they feared that my preeclampsia would only get worse and that it could turn life threatening for both Emma and I. There was no way of knowing how quickly it could happen. They feared it could happen much faster since the preeclampsia moved from mild to very severe within only a few days. Knowing that they were worried about my life and Emma’s was numbing…to hear your doctor say that they didn’t want to lose either you or Emma was UNREAL. At this point in time the emotions I was feeling were unbelievable. I was in shock. I was numb. I had to make a life altering decision that would not only effect me but more importantly Emma. The mama bear in me was raging, she was angry, confused, and most of all terrified. I was so angry at my body by this point. I could not believe that my body was giving up on me and was going to potentially leave Emma in harms way.

Back to the big picture- at 29 weeks and 4days they wanted to induce me and have Emma join us…

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